This time I wanted to do something different with my blog and I have invited a wonderful guest M.K to do some of my blogging.  I enjoyed this so much I wanted to share it with you all and please enjoy.

Many of us struggle with feelings of inadequacy and fears of failure.  As someone who often seeks Tyler’s counsel, I get it.  I have dealt with depression and anxiety for decades, thus I am no stranger to negative thoughts.  I know what it feels like to hear that internal voice telling you that you are not good enough.  In fact, just writing this blog post is making the 1980s fluorescent legwarmer wearing valley-girl, who lives inside my brain, quite the chatty Cathy.   After each sentence I write, she will say, “Oh.my.god.  You are totally a horrible writer.  Like, maybe, you should just be a reader.” At this point, it would be easy to listen to her and give up; She is loud and persistent and knows exactly what to say to deliver maximum damage, but, luckily, she’s not the only voice in my head.

Somewhere in the recesses, there is a tiny whisper.  This voice takes the form of a kick-ass chick in combat boots who is ready to fight for me.  When given the opportunity, she reminds me of my accomplishments and successes, and she motivates me to keep going.  Sadly, over the years, she has been smothered in a haze of AquaNet.  As we know, it is much easier to discount the positive and believe the negative, and an 80s mean girl can really deliver the bad.  So, how do I eliminate a voice that has spent 30-plus years trying to sabotage me?

First, I acknowledge her.  It might seem intuitive to tell her shut up, yet that makes matters worse.  She often confuses the mute button with the volume increase, which means she only gets louder the more I tell her stop.  She feeds on my anger.  If I calmly tell her that I hear her, it destabilizes her.  For example, when she cheers repeatedly, “Who’s a failure?  Y-O-U!  When do you fail? Always!”  Instead of pleading with her or attempting to ignore her, I do something different.  I tell her I appreciate her input, and she has every right to her opinion.  This stuns her into silence.  Then, when she is quiet, and this is a crucial step in ridding myself of Frosted Blue Eye shadow, I shine the spotlight on my inner Sarah Connor, the tank-top clad bad ass.  Like the warrior she is, she’s prepared for this moment.  She takes the mic and drops some knowledge.   She tells me that three months ago I made an A in a college composition class.  She reminds me that over the years I have received encouraging feedback on my writing, and–most importantly–she points out that this is something I want to be doing.  The more I listen, the louder she gets.  As she drowns out everything else, her parting words turn into my rallying cry, “Don’t let an idiot in a glittery sweatband keep you from pursuing your goals.”  Who can argue with that logic?

While your negative voice probably isn’t sporting a leotard and insulting you in between her Jane Fonda calisthenics, the saboteur is still recognizable.  We all have voices that make us believe we are failures, but we also have voices that empower us.   We need to listen to the voices that strengthen us, because the more we focus on them, the more powerful they, and we, will become.