I would like to think I am a good person at forgiving. I teach it to others as part of their path for healing and recovery.  I think I do it well because I know and understand that forgiveness is about me, and not the person you are forgiving. When people shout out others are unable to forgive, it is probably because they themselves are unable to understand what the true meaning of forgiveness means. It also means they are unable to forgive themselves. Forgiveness is about you! I forgive people for me not for them. In AA I learned through step work that forgiveness is key. It is what keeps me sober.

Forgiveness is something that helps us stay healthy, mind, body and spirit and-it is never about the other person, it is ALWAYS about you! Those who say you cannot forgive, or have never forgiven, are more than likely unstable with their own emotions because they think forgiveness is all about them. However it is a personal process and it has nothing to do with them. In fact, people who think they know whether you have forgiven or not are living in a world that revolves around them, and not connected to others. How can they know your personal path? Forgive them and move on.

Can you forgive and still be angry? Yes because if you are diligent about forgiving, then you know and understand it comes in layers. Forgiveness is like peeling an onion. It comes little by little. You just do not go around saying I forgave them, and you still have feelings. Forgiveness is not magic, it is hard work. I have to say that people need to learn that just because you forgive someone does not mean you have to have them in your life. I have forgiven many people and with that forgiveness comes the boundary to keep them out of my life. That is done out of love for myself and I have to love them enough to let go.

Here is the bottom line, many studies have confirmed forgiveness as a universal phenomenon of highest impact on our well-being. There is a wide agreement that forgiveness is a process that starts with the conscious choice of the wounded. This decision of letting go must mature genuinely and cannot be pushed without compromising its progression.

Forgiveness unfolds in stages and eventually leads us to change. Oh yes, there are some people that think withholding forgiveness is a way to get even. Careful! We can never be sure the offender even cares whether or not we forgive, they may even tell others we do not forgive as part of their anger. Here is the bottom line, when we do not forgive, we will suffer!

Forgiveness means that you feel a freedom from that person. Now whether you feel free and you want them in your life or not, it is up to you. I have forgiven people and do not want them in my life because they are way too toxic. It does not mean I have not forgiven them, it just means I make a choice not to have them in my life. Forgiveness is an act of love. It is an act for yourself.  So why can’t people forgive? They do not love themselves enough to forgive. In order to forgive, you must love.

Forgiveness is a process. Forgiveness isn’t an all-or-none, black-or-white kind of thing. It is a process. You may never be able to completely forgive another person but you can work to get closer to do so. You may never get to the 10 on my 10-point forgiveness scale, but you can turn a 6 into a 7 or to an 8. The other thing I learned is forgiveness does not have to be told to the other person. For me, my forgiveness is done daily in mantra and mediation. Some people you need to forgive may be so angry, so sick and so mean that it is not worth telling them you forgive them. Forgiveness is about you, and your heart.

Forgiveness is the process of the heart. I call forgiveness art for the heart. I think it is a fine art and there will always be one thing we need to create our masterpiece, self-forgiveness and that is a whole new story.