Recently someone, in a most unprofessional way, an acquaintance had told me we were not on the same page and they had to go their own way. I was more than fine with that, in fact, I felt a bit relieved since the only time they phoned me was when they needed something or had yet another meltdown either at work or some mental health agency.  Oh indeed I was there on the phone for them when they had to go to a wedding they were afraid to go to, or when they were quitting their job, or when they were upset about a mislead email, or, well quite frankly there seemed to be a lot of fear and anxiety that this poor person had to go through.

One day there was yet another “meltdown” and my spouse was in the hospital fighting for their life. I did not have time for their meltdown, and I had spoken to friends about how wearing it was that the only time they called was when they needed advice. I did not give them much attention and explained my spouse was very ill. The next thing I knew they had done something very nonprofessional and let me know that I was no longer needed in our joint project.

I was angry at first because how dare they blow me off after we opened our home and friends to them. Then I realized I work with clients because of people like this person. The kind of person that takes, but is unable to give. The type that seems to go into one crisis after another and they cannot see past their own issues to look at others. I thought for certain this person cared enough to see how my spouse was. They never once called. They did however text yet another meltdown. I chose to ignore that one. I was done.

I had to meditate on this one for a day not that I was hurt as much as I was blown away professionally as to how they acted and I was surprised. My meditation showed me many things mainly my meditation suggested this. “Did I just see through that persons issues and am I willing to get past it?”  It was at that moment I realized what a big difference there is between seeing past and through someone.

To see past something is to ignore their faults. For me, it was the case of always being there and ignoring that person’s anxiety and fear and just stepping up to the plate with unconditional support.  It seemed this person needed advice and the energy of someone caring to let them know they were okay.  I could tell most days they were filled with anxiety and I listened to them and was helpful in being there for them. I sometimes would wish they would take a breath and even ask how I was, but I understood their anxiety and how difficult it must have been look past it.

When my spouse took very ill and was in the hospital, I saw through this person. They had called with yet another meltdown and I needed to focus on my own family. As I saw through this person, I was able to see that their battle with anxiety and fear was strong and they seemed to be unable to give. Despite their anxiety, I needed to focus on my own family and it was clear they felt betrayed and ignored, which is often the case with people with anxiety.

I did become grateful that I learned the difference between seeing past someone and seeing through someone. I realized it is okay to see past someone once in a while and the things they do however, after a while, it is important to see through a person and do an inventory to see if you have seen past so much, that you are being used.

To see past someone without seeing through someone is like wearing rose colored glasses. In many cases, if the person is mentally balanced, you can talk about it and let them know you are not feeling balanced in the relationship whether it is personal or professional. Let them see through you and be as transparent as you can. Maybe, if their fear and anxiety will let them, they might see. In my case, sadly for that person, their fears won.

It is important, especially in professional relationships to make sure it is a give and take, and to be sure to be as transparent as you can. I was able to figure this out fairly briefly and move on into working with someone much more transparent and balanced and able to find a wonderful balance. It is okay to offer someone with lots of fear and anxiety some support however, if you desire balance, become transparent and be with people who can maintain that balance.