I am being cyber stalked by a crazed woman who is mentally unstable. I pretty much blocked everything on the internet so the only way she can get to me is in person. So I am not worried about it too much. But it made me think about toxic people. We all have them in our lives. Toxic people defy logic. Some are blissfully unaware of the negative impact that they have on those around them, and others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pushing other people’s buttons. Either way, they create unnecessary complexity, strife, and worst of all stress and inverted anger.
Toxic people are often complainers and they wallow in their problems and fail to focus on solutions. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude, but there’s a fine line between lending a sympathetic ear and getting sucked into their negative emotional spiral.
Toxic people try to control you. Strange as it might sound, people who aren’t in control of their own lives tend to want to control yours. The toxic individual looks for ways to control others, either through overt methods or subtle manipulation. In addition, toxic people disregard your boundaries. If you’re always telling someone to stop behaving a certain way and they only continue, that person is probably toxic. Respecting the boundaries of others comes naturally to well adjusted adults.
The toxic person thrives on violating them. Another thing I try to remember is that toxic people find ways to be right even when they’re not. They rarely (if ever) admit when they’ve messed up, miscalculated or misspoken. Thus they aren’t honest. Finally, toxic people love to be victims. This might take the form of excuses, rationalizations, or out-and-out blaming.
The question becomes, how do we deal with toxic people? In my case, I may get a restraining order as this person is pretty crazed. However, with that said, normally you do not need a restraining order to get rid of these people. Don’t feel like you owe them a huge explanation. Any explaining you do is more for you than for them. I learned this the hard way by trying to rid toxins in my life. You may just want to keep it simple: Tell them calmly and kindly that you don’t want them in your life anymore, and leave it at that. How much or how little you tell them is really up to you.
Another way is to get rid of toxic people is to not leave any window open for them to bully or cajole you. You’ve set boundaries. Stick to them. This includes preventing them from contacting you via social media, if appropriate. Shutting down email and other lines of communication with a toxic person might also be in order. You can block people from phones, social media and email.
Yes the toxic person can be toxic because of horrible reasons, bad childhood, abuse, incest and many other things. What is important to remember is there is counseling and people can get help these days so much easier now more than ever. Some people become toxic due to learned behavior that causes maladaptive coping skills in society and in relationships. It does not matter how you rid yourself of the toxic person, just rid yourself and protect yourself. Take whatever means you can as these people can be dangerous. The important thing is to take care of you.